On My Own
by LilTigre
Summary: A dreamer reconsiders the possibilities she might have had. A songfic based on On My Own from Les Miserables.


  
*~* On My Own *~*  
  
[Mists swirl through the evening shadows, gently caressing  
the lush grasses that cover the floor of the chamber. A  
solitary figure emerges slowly from the haze and walks  
towards a shimmering portal that stands complacently  
inside the rocky wall.]  
  
And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
  
[The person pauses in front of the portal. It's a young  
woman who's eyes are haunted by possibilities; she  
looks at the ground with a sigh.]  
  
Without a home without a friend  
Without a face to say hello to  
  
[The fog begins to dissipate, making the huge cavern seem  
that much more immense . . . and empty.]  
  
And now the night is near  
I can make believe he's here  
  
[A cloak appears out of nowhere; she wraps it around her  
shoulders and steps through the shimmering portal. Her  
body sinks into it until she vanishes completely.]  
  
Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
  
[A faint shimmer ripples the air above a deserted path in  
the park. She steps out, her soft boots making no noise  
as she lands on the ground.]  
  
I think of him and I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
  
[She begins to walk down the path, a faint smile on her face.  
Her eyes are distant; her feet move of their own accord  
through the park.]  
  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head  
  
[In her eyes is reflected an image: two people swirl across a  
ballroom floor, dancing to some unknown ballad. The woman,  
which is obviously herself, is being held in a deep embrace  
by a shadowed figure. She stops walking, lost in her dream.]  
  
Own my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him till morning  
  
[She reaches out to clasp an invisible hand, never noticing  
that all she holds is thin air. In her dream, his arms envelope  
her while she rests her head against his heart. A contented  
sigh escapes from her lips as she walks on.]  
  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me  
  
[A light rain begins to fall in the park; she lifts her  
face up to the sky and spins around, caught up in her  
fantasy.]  
  
In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
  
[She strolls farther down the path, idly watching the   
trees sway in the light breeze. A cherry blossom falls;  
she picks it up and tucks it into her hair.]  
  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever  
  
[She suddenly stops in front of a single cherry tree.  
Memories flood her mind; memories of him hiding,  
following, always watching . . . One image wavers in  
her mind: a small, startled face, eyes wild with fear  
and confusion, a soul that until then had never known  
the touch of kindness . . . .]  
  
And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
  
[Reaching for the tree and her vision, she stumbles-  
and falls heavily to the ground. She lifts up a hand;  
a drop of crimson wells from the cut fingers.]  
  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us  
  
[She watches as the droplet of blood rolls down her  
finger to drip onto the grass; a single tear falls  
down her cheek.]  
  
I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
  
[The fantasies vanish from sight. She pushes herself  
up into a sitting position and begins to weep softly,  
ignoring the chill of the rain and breeze.]  
  
Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers  
  
[After several minutes, she wipes her eyes and gets to  
her feet. She slowly begins to tread back the way she  
came, her shoulders slumped in defeat.]  
  
I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
  
[The portal is still shimmering, waiting for her. She  
yanks the cherry blossom from her hair and throws it  
to the winds before climbing back inside.]  
  
All my life  
I've only been pretending  
  
[She steps back into the cavern; the mists begin to  
rise thicker than before. A wave of her hand, and the  
portal warps itself into a mirror.]  
  
Without me  
His world would go on turning  
  
[She touches the mirror's face; her reflection shifts,  
changes, revealing another scene. In it, a young couple  
is sitting together under an old maple tree. She reaches  
out and traces the young man's reflection with one  
finger.]  
  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known  
  
[The young woman in the picture turns to her companion;  
as she watches, her heart sinking, the couple embraces,  
kisses, does those things that only lovers do. Her eyes  
well up with tears; she banishes the image with another  
wave of her hand.]  
  
I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own.  
  
[She begins to trudge back into the shadows; she pauses  
and turns to the mirror to see her weeping reflection.  
"Sayonara, my love," she whispers before vanishing into  
the darkness.]  
  
*~*  
  
The couple broke off their kiss with a reluctant  
sigh as the breeze became colder. As he began to strip  
off his coat, a single white cherry blossom danced in  
front of him, borne by the winds. Kusanagi reached out  
and plucked the flower from the air; he turned to  
Momiji and gently tucked it behind her ear.  
  
Neither one noticed the lonely teardrop that  
fell from the blossom.  
  



End file.
